Posted in Anxiety, bébé, Cleaning, Life, Mental Health

Clean house Clean mind

I’m coming around to this idea of deep cleaning in the new year.  I love it.  I’m not sure why it never occurred to me before.  I mean I love fresh starts.  I love having a clean organized house.  It makes me feel calm and relaxed when things are put away and everything is clean.  This battles with my anxiety and depression that keeps me laying curled up on the couch.  I sometimes have a panic attack and need to clean before everything feels okay again.   This all being said is a long way to say we cleaned our carpets today. 

Now I want to rearrange my living room,  but cannot for the life of me come up with a new way to make it safe with bebe.  Mostly because of blocking  off under the computer desk is tricky.  

Though I will sleep on it tonight because we won’t put everything back until tomorrow.   

Speaking of tomorrow we are going to clean the bedroom carpet and do a shit ton of laundry.  

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday weekend!  

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Posted in Anxiety, bébé, Chicken, Main Dish, Recipes, School

Eleven days into Twenty Eighteen 

Life has taken an unexpected turn.  

The first week of the new year brought me back to work part time.   Bebe and I are still adjusting to this new normal.  Me more so than her.  She is just phenomenal.  

I think this will be good for both of us and for Alex too. Good all around, but that doesn’t make it easy.  

I made a dairy free chicken pot pie for dinner tonight.  

Here is the recipe I used and modified.  I left out the sour cream.  Alex didn’t think it needed the Philo dough on the top, but you know me I love Philo.  I just wish I figured out it was dairy free sooner.  Now I can make baklava with my butter substitute.   Looking forward to that.   

Posted in Anxiety, bébé, Holidays, Lists, Mental Health

Happy New Year 

Most years I have goals such as loose weight, save money, pay off debt.  All good goals.  All things I need to do this coming year, but this year is different.   Different for so many reasons.  The biggest being Bebe.  

I want to think of resolutions in terms of setting a good example for bebe.  What kind of person do I hope she will grow up to be?  How do I foster independence, self reliance, and resilience?    How do I model positive self care?  

This year my resolutions are:

  1.  Establish a daily routine; three table meals a day, reading books, going for walks, etc.
  2. Keep a clean and organized home
  3. Meal plan
  4. Make new friends 
  5. Get my anxiety under control 
  6. Remember to do my best every day
  7. Work on self care; taking time for myself, getting more sleep, doing things I enjoy, ect.
  8. Take more pictures with my camera instead of my phone!

Posted in bébé, Books, Family, Holidays

Bebe’s first Christmas 


We are finally home after a wirl wind of a holiday trip.  We are all tired and stuffed from the holiday festivites.  

She made out like a bandit.

Books and toys

Bath toys

More books

And clothes.

I also got some new books to delve into.

We are so very lucky.  I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday.  Be safe and have a happy new year!

Posted in Uncategorized

December

Oh, December we meet again. 

The fall leaves are alost all gone.

 The 40 degree weather is here to stay.  

The sun is a distant memory.   

This is the happiest time of the year?  

I guess I’m feeling a bit maudlin this first Sunday of December.   Wishing for the crisp cold sunny days of northern California while trying to stay positive in the grey of Oregon is not really working so well for me.  

Every year I post about December.  Sometimes its wish lists.   Sometimes its year end summations.  Sometimes its my tree and all the decorations.  This year is different.   So my December posts should be different too.  

This has been a year of change and discovery.  Relationships have changed so much over the past year it makes my head spin to think on it.  People I would not have ever dreamed of have come into my life and are helping me see the good.  People I never dreamed of hurting me have done so very deeply.  

This December while I reflect on all of this I am also yearning to begin new traditions.  Bebe is my shining light. She will guide me through the darkness of winter.  Focus on her and creating memories is all that really matters.  She has helped me so much already and will continue to do so for the rest of my days.  
Sorry for all the melancholy, but such is the breaks when you have PPD and PPA.  

I hope this December finds all of you well and that you are able to look past the stress of consumerism and find light and love in the holiday season. 

Posted in Anxiety, bébé, Desserts, Recipes

Five Months Plus

Oh how the days are long, but the time is also flying by.  I know that bébé will be crawling and walking and talking and going off to school before I know where all the time went.  But… And it’s a big but.  I need sleep.  I need time to be a person.  I need to be sane for my little bébé.  I feel just a little unmoored.  I feel as if I have no direction or anchor.  I miss the structure of working.  Having some place to be everyday at a specific time.  I’m trying to cultivate a routine a rhythm for our days, but alas I have yet to find the energy to put this into practice.  So for now I just go through my days and try and remember that  bébé is all that matters.

In other news I made some lactation bars that were milk and soy free and they were so delicious that the whole pan was gone within 24 hours.  I need to make these again and portion them out better.

Chocolate oatmeal bars!

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Lactation Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Bars

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups whole grain old fashioned rolled oats
  • 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
  •  1/2 cup brown sugar
  •  1/2 cup wheat germ
  •  1/4 cup flax seed
  •  2 tablespoons brewers yeast
  •  1 tsp. cinnamon
  • 3/4 tsp. salt
  • 1/2 cup honey
  • 1/2 cup coconut oil
  • 1 egg, beaten
  •  2 tsp. vanilla extract
  • 1 cup chocolate chips (Milk and Soy free!)

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 350.
  2. Grease a 9 x 13 pan with coconut oil.
  3. In a large bowl, mix together the dry ingredients.
  4. Make a well in the center and add all of the wet ingredients.
  5. Mix together well.
  6. Add in chocolate chips.
  7. Press the mixture into your prepared pan.
  8. Bake for 30 minutes, turning once halfway for even baking.
  9. Allow to cool for about 5 minutes and then cut as desired
Posted in Books, Montessori

Montessori Infant Books

While I was pregnant I read so many pregnancy books it makes my head spin thinking about them now.  In my third trimester I realized I needed to also read book about after the baby was born.  I mean the birth is only one moment.  Everything after is what I really should have been preparing for.  So at that moment I started reading…

Montessori at home guide: a short introduction to Maria Montessori and a practical guide to apply her inspiration at home for children ages 0-2 by A.M. Sterling.  By short it means really short.  Only nine pages are dedicated to the first six months of life.  This wet my whistle and I delved into the quintessential Montessori baby book.

Understanding the Human Being: the importance of the first three years of life by Silvana Quattrocchi Montanaro, M.D.  If you are scientifically minded this is the book for you.  Doctor Montanaro delves into brain, physical, and physiological development from prenatal to three years old.  She give us the why behind the things that we do for children of this age range.  Next up…

The Joyful Child: Montessori, Global Wisdom for Birth to Three by Susan Mayclin Stephenson.  If you are a Primary (3-6) guide and you haven’t read this book.  Go now and get it.  I wish I had read this book before taking over the classroom I lead for three years.  This book would have made a huge difference in helping the two and half year olds that routinely where place in my room.  If I was going to have a toddler classroom this book would be my bible.  These last two books I’ll have to admit I haven’t finished reading yet.  There was a little thing of running out of time to read since I gave birth and now have an almost four month old…

Montessori from the Start: The Child at Home, from Birth to Age Thee by Paula Polk Lillard and Lynn Lillard Jessen.  This is the book I’m working on reading in the very small moments I have to read these days.  It reminds and reinforces the things I read in the the other books.  And…

how to raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way by Tim Seldin.  This book is full of practical activities to do with your child.  While this book has a few infant things mostly it is geared towards an older child.  This book is definitely going to be in my rotation soon.  Finally, the book I didn’t even start…

Montessori Parenting: Unveiling the Authentic Self by Dr. Jim and Sonnie McFarland.  I’m looking forward to delving into this book as time allows.

All of these books are wonderful I’m not sure I could tease out just one book for parents new to Montessori, but I also realize that not everyone has the time or inclination to read six books on this subject.  I mean I haven’t even read them all and I’m a little OCD when it comes to reading.  Good luck fellow parents and I hope my brief reviews of these books has help.

 

Posted in Anxiety, bébé, Zelda

Half Way between Four and Five Months

I’ve always been a nervous person.  Having a baby feels like my anxiety has been turned up to 11.  The lack of sleep sure doesn’t help.  Being over 500 miles away from family that loves us doesn’t help.  The heat outside while living in a third floor apartment with no air conditioning doesn’t help.  The raging wild fire that is making ash rain from the sky really doesn’t help.

Things that do help…

  • Admitting I need help
  • Seeing a therapist
  • Having a husband that makes me dinner every night
  • Having a friend who will come take care of your baby when you are sick
  • Going to mom’s group
  • Texting my Mother-in-law all the time
  • Kitties

Kitties beware we have a rolling grabbing bebe on the loose.

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  • Baby cuddles
  • Sewing

Made bebe her first lovie.

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Being a mom is so much more than I ever expected.