Two months into this whole mommy thing and I still have no idea what I’m doing. Though now I’m starting to not feel like I’m drowning everyday. My days are so long and yet so short as well. I dream of the day when I can get more than a few hours of sleep at time, but I also know that bébé will never be this small again. Everyday bébé gets bigger and bigger there is no limit to the growth.
I’m amazed at bébé. She is amazing. The little discoveries that she makes everyday. Holding her head up. Grasping at her papa’s shirt. Sucking her thumb. Looking at the pictures in a book. Staring at lights in the hallway. She has even rolled over, once.
One day I’ll look back and wonder where all the time went. That she will be in kindergarten, then high school, getting married, having children (if she wants). So, I really should just sit back and relax. Enjoy the ride. I know all these things and yet that still does not make any of this easier. Some days I can barely keep my head above water. Some days I want to hide from my own child. My small almost two month old child. Then there are the moments where I want to cuddle with her forever.
I currently just want her to sleep, so I can do some much needed cleaning. Or maybe be able to cook a meal for Alex for his birthday. Not sure either of those things is going to happen. I love her, but this parenting thing is hard. Physically and emotionally. Hats off to all the parents who have come before me. I’m not sure how anyone gets through this unscathed.