Sometimes I just need a good pep talk. Sometimes life just gets me down. I have days where I just feel beaten. I’m working on rolling with the punches. Working on not taking things so personally that my core beliefs are shaken. Self care needs to be a priority and work on positive self talk. I love Brene Brown and her work. I want to read all her books and give them to all the people in my life. She is so inspiring and I would be on the right track if I followed her example in life.
This is true at work too! We asked managers a simple question: What behaviors do you find the most trust-earning in your direct reports? Everyone guesses the answer is reliability or accountability. Those answers rank in the top 5. The number one trust-earning behavior? Asking for help. It feels counter-intuitive, but would you delegate an important project to someone you know wouldn’t ask for help if s/he were struggling? – This image is our free download on brenebrown.com for March. You can grab it at the bottom of the home page.
Turning toward what’s hard and scary and vulnerable is not a default choice (at least it’s not mine). But over the years I’ve learned that the energy I spend trying to avoid my fear is best spent walking right toward it with an open and willing heart. Easy? Heck no. Does it get easier? Not always. Worth it? So far it’s been worth it every single time. . This image is our free download on brenebrown.com for January. We change it every month so you have today and tomorrow to grab it. Just scroll to the bottom of the home page. Link in profile.
I’m coming around to this idea of deep cleaning in the new year. I love it. I’m not sure why it never occurred to me before. I mean I love fresh starts. I love having a clean organized house. It makes me feel calm and relaxed when things are put away and everything is clean. This battles with my anxiety and depression that keeps me laying curled up on the couch. I sometimes have a panic attack and need to clean before everything feels okay again. This all being said is a long way to say we cleaned our carpets today.
Most years I have goals such as loose weight, save money, pay off debt. All good goals. All things I need to do this coming year, but this year is different. Different for so many reasons. The biggest being Bébé.
Welcome to a world where everyone shares everything. And by everything I mean small snippets of their lives that they deem worthy and acceptable to share. I try to be open and honest with myself. Especially, now, with a young child. I know that I am not perfect. I know that I am not the best, brightest, most beautiful. I see my flaws (probably more than I should), but who could tell that based on just Instagram? Social media sometimes makes life harder than it needs to be. We still need to connect with each other in real life.
Many years ago before Facebook and all this I had a co-worker of mine tell me that she always knew when I was upset. I asked her how? She told me that I get quiet when something is bothering me. I didn’t even realize this myself and really no one else has ever made this very astute observation. These past four years in Oregon have been a very quiet time for me. It’s past time I start making some noise.
Thinking about this now I realize it is probably something that I developed as a child. Something to help keep me safe in the unstable house I grew up. There was lots of yelling and name calling in my house. I would hide under my bed for hours until I became too big to fit nicely. To this day I hate yelling. I cannot bear to be around people who are yelling or arguing. The rational side of my brain says that arguing is alright, but the side of my brain that is a little girl just wants to hide.
Confrontation makes me super uncomfortable and it is something I need to work on. I need to learn how to stand up for myself and those I care about. I want to be a warrior instead of a worrier. I just don’t know how to get from point A to point B. Especially when my whole life when I’ve wanted something for myself I’ve been told that I’m selfish. How, do I make a leap of faith when my self-esteem is so low that jokes knock the wind out of my sails? I need to figure this all out especially since I’m a role mode for my sweet bébé. I want her to be fearless. I want her be able to do the things she wants and not worry if I’ll be there to catch her. I want her to stand up for herself and others.
In order for this to happen I need to work on myself. Tuesday, I begin therapy again. I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to make some progress. First step is to eliminate this crippling anxiety that makes me question everything. I know that there is no quick fix and that I’ll revisit my issues again and again throughout my life, but that is another good example for bébé. She will grow up knowing that when you need help it’s okay. Everyone needs help from time to time. I also want her to always feel loved. I’ve had many moments in my life where I did not felt loved, or wanted, or cared for.
Okay, enough rambling for today. This sleep deprived mama needs some dinner.